Last night: it was fun, but not fun. i had a good time with my friends. but him.. i hate seeing him. i hate how he makes me feel like such a fuck up. i hate how he doesn’t give a single fuck about me. i hate knowing that he hates me. but most of all, i hate feeling that i did something wrong but then i love that everyone is telling me i didn’t. it confuses the hell out of me. i can’t ever make things right with him. never. i just want to be friends, but he can’t stand it when i’m with someone else. it felt like summer towards the end though. ending up in a place you didn’t expect - i love that. 

Today: woke up at ben’s. drove to monica’s and ate french toast ahhhh so good. felt sooooo happy on my way home. found my mom crying when i got there. her best friend died of cancer and just the whole situation is terrible. why do shitty things happen to good people…..i really wanna know. later on, i picked up faith and we went to a boat tie up - the best. i felt so exhausted by the end of the day. got tanner. felt better. came home with faith and hung out more. just dropped her off. but now i feel like shit for some reason. whatttt theee fuckkkkk.